So Adam moves back into the house and I immediately want out. He smokes a ton and I’m having to try not to inhale it every time I let Lucky out to pee. There are a ton of bugs in the house and now that we live downstairs I see cockroaches in our room. I thought they were just dead ones but I guess I was wrong because I saw a live one this morning.

We found a house and we are hoping it will work out. Now that we are married we may have to carry my debt into the picture which might not let us qualify. With his dad co-signing though it’s the SAME ordeal as last time. He’s taking forever to get some papers together for us. It makes me so mad because it literally will take 15-20 minutes of his time and we asked him to do it two days ago. We lost out on the last house because he took too long to do the paperwork….

It’s put me into a very irritable mood this a.m. -____-

1 month ago  /  0 notes

not the weekend i planned on…

today was awful. i know everyone has their problems, but i just need to let all of mine out for my own sake of venting.

living at home is really taking a toll on me. all i ever hear is what i’m NOT doing correctly at home. i don’t help out enough, i’m lazy, i leave them to care for my dog, i’m a slob. yes all of those things are true, except for being lazy.

my room is disgusting, i don’t help around the house and yes, i’m never home so they DO care for lucky. why?

not to make excuses or anything, but my job literally sucks the life out of me. it’s exhausting, emotionally draining and definitely not anything like what i imagined teaching would be like. which is sad since i’ve done nothing but spend my life working with children…you would think i had a pretty good picture of what was to come.

i can whine, complain and try to explain my every day experiences….but no one will ever understand just HOW bad it really is… until they LIVE it and GO through what I take on a daily basis.. My dad in so many words said I need to stop being lazy and help out more… and that yeah maybe I work long hours but he works just as many hours if not MORE than I do.

Yeah okay. Come do my job for a day. I’d love to sit in an office all day and tell everyone what they should be doing regarding transportation. Yes, every job has it’s pros and cons… but honestly, I just don’t think it could be any worse than what I’ve got going on…maybe that’s a selfish statement, but that’s how I feel. Honestly, I’d rather be a sanitation worker, pick in the fields, work at a fast food restaurant……ANYTHING over what I’m doing now.

So why am I still teaching? Because of my stupid wedding. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited and I know our day is going to be beautiful and super amazing….but I’m stuck in a job I LOATHE to pay for it. It took EVERYTHING in me not to walk out and quit on Halloween. EVERYTHING. I was so upset I started thinking, FUCK THE WEDDING!

My whole point is my job stresses me out and I’m miserable. Living at home sucks. My parents don’t get just how awful it is and that when I come home, I just want to curl up into a ball and cry…not wash dishes or clean my room. And maybe just maybe I DON’T want to be home to get nagged so I don’t come home…

Or that my best friend is moving away from me in May and I feel like I need to spend as much time as possible with her before she leaves…..

So last night I went to see Victoria and it got late and I fell asleep while she was doing homework….so I decided to stay the night. I was an idiot and left my purse sitting on the front seat. So when I got up to go to zumba this morning, I found my passenger window busted and my purse gone.

Yes, it could have been a lot worse. I could have had the car stolen, I had valuables in the car that weren’t touched…but now I have to hear from my parents once again what a “fuck up” I am.

So now I’m carless because I have no window….and I’m locked up in my room so I don’t have to deal with my parents.

YAY weekend.

6 months ago  /  1 note